did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
