??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
