remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
