No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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