In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
