you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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