I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Im just a social blackout drinker.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
