birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
