he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
