she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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