No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
