Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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