So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
