The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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