Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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