By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
