the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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