After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
