sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
