At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
