I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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