i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
