I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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