I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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