Kiss
Puke
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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