please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
