Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
porn star boner night. come get it.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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