dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
