don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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