We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
