If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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