is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
