The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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