I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
