thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
