what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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