can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
