Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
