I'm gonna have a badass scar
Please, let me fuck your mom
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
