That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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