yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
