When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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