I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
