At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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