This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
