I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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