I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
