Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
