Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
