I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
