Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
